Didn't get much sleep last night, so ah fell asleep durin' de service today--throughout de service. Embarrassin'--had to be nudged awake a few times, but still missed most ov it. Barely heard de Benediction, didn't know when collection was takin' place. (Ah was too sleepy to notice how sleepy ah was, before actual sleep kicked in.) I'm a loner in church as much as anyone can be a loner in any church--'loner' just goes against de nature ov fellowship, so maybe ah go against de nature ov fellowship--an' I'm not a part ov de women's ministry. (Have ah ever mentioned that ah have poor social skills, an' am too shy in person to project de confidence that builds a lot ov friendships?) Not bein' a part ov that ministry means I'm on de outside ov it in every practical sense. Anyway, one ov de ministry's lively personalities decided to minister to mi for all ov 2 minutes.
She: What happened today?
Piggy: Ah fell asleep.
She: Oh, you felt ill.
Piggy: Ah fell asleep.
She: The message was so vital--you couldn't just fall asleep; you must've felt ill.
Piggy: Actually, Sister (X), ah fell asleep.
She: Sister (Y) did a very good creative-dance performance. Surely, you didn't miss that, or were you still not well at that point?
Piggy: (Tryin' ta recall de performance--Sister (Y) has a thick, voluptuous figure that had set all de Brothers starin' at her in her leotards an' wispy tutu, as she'd approached de pew to explain de relevance ov her dance to her singles' ministry. Mr. Pig had nudged mi awake when Deacon called up de Sister to do her dance, but I'd fallen asleep again immediately.)
She: (quick embrace) Not to worry, dear. Just feel better soon, okay?
Piggy: (woulda returned embrace, but embrace done a'ready) Okay.
From what ah remember ov de sermon, Reverend was talkin' about de disciples, an' de importance ov wisely choosin' our company. He started off by readin' from Isaiah 3, then from Matthew 10, then somewhere else in de Old Testament, Luke? Then some-fing, an' then some-fing. What can ah say? Choose your company--that's what ah remember--de service went over mi head this week. Hush.
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MOPPET ON THE GO!
PIGGY'S ON THE GO; NUH BADDA HUFF & PUFF & BLOW;
SHE'S A ROCK-SOLID ROUND-ROAST WIF A SOFT GIRLISH GLOW.
SHE'S A TENDER BIT OV PORK, LUV, BUT SHE'S GOT A SASSY SIDE;
SHE'S A SCOTCH-BONNET MADDA PEPPA IN WHOSE HAMMEST TRUST YU CAN CONFIDE.
NOT DE MUPPET, BUT A MOPPET AT HEART.
KISS DE PIG, MAN, DON'T DISS DE PIG.
SHE'S A ROCK-SOLID ROUND-ROAST WIF A SOFT GIRLISH GLOW.
SHE'S A TENDER BIT OV PORK, LUV, BUT SHE'S GOT A SASSY SIDE;
SHE'S A SCOTCH-BONNET MADDA PEPPA IN WHOSE HAMMEST TRUST YU CAN CONFIDE.
NOT DE MUPPET, BUT A MOPPET AT HEART.
KISS DE PIG, MAN, DON'T DISS DE PIG.
9 comments:
well its the thought that counts or ya shudda juss do like me an stan home today, lol.
voluptous women in leotards dancing? a wha kinda church dat? if my church had that sorta ministry I would be a deacon all like now :-)
actually know what you mean about the loner thing, i'm that way with church too. just go to check the sermon and get the ministry but afraid of all the church politics. anyways muh bed callin muh agin.
Girl,what were you doing Saturday night that left you so sleepy eh.I here smiling at you sleeping away in church.
ROFDWL!!! Hi Mel, Kiss Kiss. Only you. Is what keeping you up so late Saturday....on second thought, don't answer that. Some things are better left unsaid. Is life sometimes. I sat in church yesterday and all I can remember is my assignment that kept going around in the head. I think we both missed the sermons this week...sigh.
Ah had a late-night urge to do some spring cleanin', soh ah went to bed late.
Jdid, ah don't luv de politics either! (This is you as a deacon--like Arsenio in Comin' to America, "Ah don't wanna preach, but these ladies look so fawn! Good Lahwd!." lol!)
Kami, Mr. Pig smilin' 'bout it now--wasn't smilin' then :).
Kiss Kiss, Scratchie, both ov us were missin' in action then--so it wasn't De Piggy alone!
Sunshine, accordin' to Mr. Pig, that lady's dance symbolized a single girl's avoidance ov peer pressure.
Well Piggy, don't fret...I used to drop asleep in church miself, well, that was until my grandfather told me about a certain fellow who apparently fell asleep in church, fell of the pew, and broke his neck! Haven't fallen asleep in church since!
Piggy, if you were tired, you were just tired....and the Lord provided you with sleep.
Next time leave the spring cleaning 'till daylight hours.
Yes indeed, pick who you keep company wid. Dr. D.
Piggy, I couldn't come to your church... bwoy, when I used to go to church, all I used to do was check out the women and none of them was dressed like you describe the dancer, so, a better me stay far from dat deh church...
Angry, bruk-neck woulda mek anybody stay awake inna church:-)
Doc, those bouts ov late-night energy (re-arrangin' furniture an' all ov that) are definitely a habit that I've gotta get rid ov!
I'll go check out your post, MB, ah can just imagine!!
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