The Tour That Was

Bonjour, everyone, De Piggy's in da house. Oh, 'twas grand indeed, my tour of yestry-day. Ah did enjoy visitin The Doc--of da bay, watchin' da taa-hide roll away, oo-wee--oops! De Piggy got carried away, ah meant to talk about visitin The Doc, not Otis Redding's "Da Dock ov Da Bay." Now where was I--oh, yes! Ah visited Da Doc, and ah actually saw his photo from one of his early posts--he had some fine photos on his site indeed! Ah visited the prolific Angry Dog--BTW, Doggy, Da Piggy hopes yu have rubba teeth, as she DOES plan to visit again. Ah visited Stu and Jdid and Cya--all jolly-good fun! Ah got a chance to do a bit ov Bush-bashin at Jdid's, but ah bashed Kerry a bit as well--I'm still mad at him for losin', and for not bein rough enough to beat de Bush. Ah visited Scratchie, and got a good update on the UWI situation back home--ah do appreciate that. So, today De Piggy will tell yu how ah came to be Da Piggy: 'Twas a balmy evening years ago at Sovereign in JA; and De Piggy's husband was waiting to check-out, when a very brash young lady looked at the long cue of customers and hissed her teeth. "Mi naw join dat deh Embassy line," she said quite loudly to no one in particular. And De Piggy thought the disagreeable woman would've left the store then--but no, the girl merely loitered beside the line for a bit, and stood beside mi husband until she somehow stood IN FRONT of him in de line. He didn't even notice her. BUT DE PIGGY DID! "Don't cut in front ov him," De Piggy said nicely--the girl could've begged "a skip" wif the few items that she had; but the teggeh-reg underestimated La Cochonne and replied, "Mind yu owna business!" Of course, that did it for De Pig. "You naw put yer mowly self in fronta we," ah shouted, along wif a few more choice words; and ah reached around her and started loadin the contents of mi husband's carriage unto the cashier's conveyor before the cut-in queen could put hers there--and this pleasant Pork did share a few more unpleasant words as ah did that. Oh, she was angry; but she backed off, being smarter than she looked. The people behind us in the line wouldn't allow her to cut in front of them either, so she ended up displaced--all the better. As we left, mi husband commented about how ah "nyam off the girl' head like a hog." Ah disagreed, but he insisted that ah acted like a hog, and we argued a bit, with him eventually laughin at mi and tellin mi, "Shut yu beak, Miss Piggy!" Ah was about to protest the illogic of it--pigs don't have beaks--but then, ah felt a warm glow and ah was at a loss for words; something somehow fit: Ah found mi true identity! DE PIGGY WAS BORN!!!!! And so here I ham--don't forget to Kiss De Pig.